Nemo

Rachel loves Nemo...well, she used to. Pooh Bear is now her favorite. Thanks to her older siblings she has inherited the stuffed versions of Pooh (giant size), Piglet, Tigger and Eeyore. So they all gather round as she watches her Pooh Bear movie...but back to Nemo.

Finding Nemo reminds me of finding myself. Marlin (sp?) faced his fears on the movie as he looked for his son. All of the things he was afraid of were looking him straight in the face and he conquered those fears due to love for his son. In the last decade I have done that. Here they are:

1. I lost a dream of being married to one person all of my life...and I was okay.

2. I almost died of a fatal illness, had surgery and am now a survivor! My fear was to not see my children grow up and yet I am back to normal and watching them grow daily AND appreciating it more than ever!

3. I had to go to work full-time while they were still pretty young for a few years...it wasn't easy but we were all okay and now we are back "together" again...at home and even homeschooling!

4. I thought I would never have another baby (see number 2) but I did and she is wonderful!

5. I thought I would never be married again but I am and he is also wonderful!

6. My nephew and both of my grandmothers became angels and although it was hard and I almost had a breakdown (maybe I did?) after my nephew died, we are all okay and will carry them with us forever.

7. Lost a relationship with my parents for a while (see number 1, they don't believe in divorce) but regained that after number 6 and we are all going strong!

These are just random thoughts I've had while watching Finding Nemo with Rachel that I wanted to share.

In my twenties while a lot of people were partying I was having my children, taking care of my family and not thinking much about myself. Do I regret that? There are times that I have wondered if I missed anything. Yes, I guess I did. Here is what it was.

I missed:

1. Wrinkles from laying out too much in the sun. Some of my friends look ten years older than I do now because they spent so much time fake-n-baking while they were in their twenties.

2. Being really drunk and doing a lot of stupid, embarassing things.

3. a lot of sex with people I barely knew because I was so drunk.

4. a lot of work in a flourescent-lit office that mattered very little if at all.

5. some me time.

Now number 5 is something I have struggled with but what is me time? Remember that song...

Hey Lady, you lady, cursing at your life. You're a discontented mother and a regimented wife. I've no doubt you dream about the things you'll never do but I wish someone would have talked to me like I wanna talk to you.

Oh I've been to (name all the places...)
but I've never been to ME.

So you may ask, what is the point of this? These are things that I want to look back on and remember. Lessons I've learned. Like "regret is the cancer of life". I don't regret that my "me" is not what I wear, what I "do", what I look like, who I am friends with, what parties I am invited to. Those are the more shallow things in life.

When I had the heart surgery and when I was in the hospital with congestive heart failure I realized that the things I would regret would only be time missed loving people....and that is all of my epiphanies for today...

Love